Five easy (and effective) tips to lose your job

Include the following easy to learn traits in your personality, and get rid of your job (in almost no time!):

• Amicability - Be nice and just have a good time - Enjoy the office parties to the fullest. Drink the free alcohol, throw up and dance to the tunes of 'Crazy bitch'
• Communication skills - Every morning, make sure you talk to your boss, and tell him how your life sucks cz you have to come to work every morning
• Desire to get more - See it? Want it? Take it! After all it's YOUR work place (Kleptomania is just a fancy word, and who carries a thesaurus these days?)
• Relax - Take a deep breath and just relaaaaaaaaax. Catch up on your beauty sleep. Want it to work faster? Make sure your boss is looking!
• Punctuality - That's one thing you have to stay away from! Show up late and leave early

What a week, what a day!

I started my day an hour late today. Obviously everyone can tell cz it's a bad hair day - On a Thursday, I am dressed like it's Friday. Skipped breakfast. Not a good feeling! And to top it all, the minute I entered my office, my boss asked me to attend a day-long training. Another training = more expectation! And what's not fun is that I have no background of what the training is about. But the good thing is that we got barbecue for lunch from Rib Cribs. Which obviously called for another shot of coffee dark as tar – and I absolutely don’t mind that.

You don't love me anymore - I am saying this cz I noticed a sudden drop in the number of e-mails I get in my personal inbox. All I get is the subscribed e-mails. Why don't you send me a note sometime :-) I still love you; I just don't have internet connection at home. But if you e-mail me, I promise I will reply to it as soon as I can.

This is the second time I have lost my blog draft (final draft) just cz I wasn't smart enough to save it. It is pretty darn annoying! Why do I even use Notepad to draft my blogs? And while I write this, what do I see? I am using notepad again. Wait let me switch to MS Word. OK. So when I say notepad, I am not talking about the old plain notepad; instead, I am talking about notepad++. Which is pretty cool. You can paste your plain text and it formats the test in your chosen language (programming language that is, like java, C, C++, C#, VB, XML or any other language you can think of). I just use the plain text setting for blogs. Plus of doing this is that there is no carry over formatting to the blogger. You will know what I am talking about if you try pasting something from word to blogger.

Did I mention about this hilarious e-mail that I sent to a client? I wrote (text changed):
‘Hey Paul,
I can’t reproduce the problem on our domain. We might have to come up with a work around. I fyou want, call me and we can discuss this.
Thanks,
Sowm’
This is what happens when you don’t proof your e-mails. I didn’t realize this until a coworker pointed this out. ALWAYS double check your e-mails, before you hit the send button.

This Sunday, I watched ‘London Dreams’ – ridiculously ridiculous rubbish! Anyways, so in the theater bathroom, I met with an accident (actually my phone did). It slipped from my hand, fell on the rim of the commode, and broke in three pieces – front, battery and the back cover. The front part fell on the ground and the battery and the back cover went down the flush right in front of my eyes. Now you know why I use a cheap phone. Good thing, I had an extra phone at home :-)

Can’t wait for this day/week to get over!

Five people you DO NOT want to sit next to in an airplane

1. Obscenely obese woman or man (here only size matters!)
I am little and thus I am used to being comfortable in the planes. Why do I not feel the same today? OMG cz this person sitting next to me is so fat that his/her fat is spilling into my seat. I am suffocating! And looks like he/she is too, cz I hear this heavy breathing. Is he/she going to get a heart attack? I don’t know CPR, can I sit on a different seat?

2. Stinky Poo
Believe it or not, there are still some people in the world who are unaware of some wonderful discoveries by man – deodorants and gums/mints. Just pray one of those ignorant souls doesn’t sit next to you. If you want to take my advice, always carry a deodorant and a pack of gum with you. You never know when you need to offer that to someone!

3. People who travel with pets
Yes! They are annoying. Cz they have a plan! The pet would get irritated sitting in the carry bag. Then it would make weird noises. Then the owner will make a puppy face and request you to let the pet out else it’ll die. Then you will have to say ‘Alright’, cz you are a good human being. And then the pet will keep jumping around and will not let you sleep. So Beware!

4. Babies
They CRY. And they YELL. And they are jumpy. Solution? Just gag yourself. I know you will feel like killing the baby, but then, you will die anyways, cz people will think you are a monster and throw stones at you and it will hurt so bad, that you will kill yourself. So just kill yourself right away to avoid the torture.

5. Overly friendly people
No, I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t want to listen to why you don’t want your parents arrange your marriage. I don’t want to know what you think about the airlines catering. I don’t want to give you my phone number. I just want to put my headphones on and watch this movie, so that I don’t have to listen to your crap. Buzz off!