That’s me... The commitment-phobe. The unmarriageable. It is not about how the word “marriage” freaks me out, but how I run away from commitments. This thought came into my mind yesterday while sitting in the CAT career information session.

They were talking about how after training rotations, the employee had to commit to the hiring business unit for 3-4 years. And as soon as Stephanie said this, millions of thoughts ran through my mind. (Stephanie was the speaker by the way). Instead of thinking about the job I was thinking how would I be able to commit to the job for four years? How will I be able to stay in the same city for four years? How will I go to work and see the same faces for four years? And talking about city, it is Peoria of all the places. No no no! That’s impossible!

I always ran away from steady relationships, as I knew it’s hard for me to stick around for a long time. But now they talk about commitment to the job? I feel like I am about to get wed to the job or something! I don’t have a job yet, but I already have butterflies fluttering in my stomach.

It doesn’t mean I am not loyal. I am loyal to the core. But I don’t want to be restricted. I should see an open end always, open options… The idea of being told to be there doesn’t get into my system.

My unstable mind is not letting me get used to this fact of being at the same place for four goddamn years! May be it’s about the place. Or is it just about me? Considering my history, I have moved thrice, to three different towns already; all in one and a half years. And I am all set to move the fourth time, gladly! I love my gypsy life!

Now the thought of sticking around in the same place is just driving me nuts. HELP!